Rx from Dr. Earth

I have been forced to go through a lot of difficult emotions recently. Moving to a new state has been a net positive for me and my kids, and our new life here continues to promise good things for our wellbeing for years to come, but gosh, moving is hard. It it sure has brought up a lot of old pain, and new fears, and all the confusing blend of emotions that come as a kind of toll that uprooting and relocating takes. I’ve been crying and dwelling in dark moods more than usual.

But last night, I had a dream in which I found, behind a wall, a room full of sad people with painful injuries. I really didn’t want to go in there, but this room was right next to the kitchen, where lots a creative cooking was happening and delicious-looking bubbling pots were on the stove, and I had to go through the wall to get to the kitchen. I awoke this morning with a calm sense of purpose, and as soon as I opened the blank page, this poem came tumbling out of me.

I consider these words a prescription from my deep mind (aka higher self) for emotional pain, and I share it in the hope that you, too, will find it useful in recovering from your hurts.

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Rx

When you feel lost, 

find yourself at home in the luxury of your thick and generous skin.

Locate the contours of your flesh where it has been waiting, undiscovered, for your caring attention. 

Anoint your feet in rich, oily butter and place your slick, bare heels on the earth. 

Here, you are. 

When you feel adrift, 

anchor your thoughts in the harbor of your hips. 

Remember the hymn of the moon as it moved across your childhood bed and tether your spine to its returning rhythm.

Rock your bones in the cradle of earth once again. 

Here, you are. 

When you feel forsaken, 

claim every ugly, raw bit of your hurt and sadness. 

Drap your body in a fine, red altar cloth, adorn your shadow with delicate flowers

and perform the welcome home dance with a flourish of fanfare. 

Here, you are. 

When you feel scattered,

gather your consciousness in the basket of your heart. 

Collect your needy blood in a net of heart-woven compassion.

Fold both hands gently over your breastbone and weep neatly as willow weeps in the shivering wind. 

Here, you are. 

When you feel tense, 

ease your breath into the sanctuary of your belly. 

Let the steam of your fears steep and rise from the fibers of your gut, diffusing into the holy, incensed air. 

Here, you are. 

When you feel unsure, 

decide to take a walk. 

Allow your legs to move you in the direction of a stone friend. 

Hold the clarity of its heavy presence in your hand.  

Here, you are. 

When you feel stuck,

release your fingers to the open range of soil. 

Run your fingertips through the wild grass until your nails corrode with feral grit. 

Here, you are. 

When you feel empty, 

fill the vessel of your mouth with the blessing of clear, pure water. 

Dip and swirl your tongue to satisfaction in the liquid benediction.

Carry the tears of heaven between your lips, precious as an unborn child. 

Here, you are.

When you feel angry,

respect the dark mother. 

Obey her when she demands compensation for love’s unpaid bills. 

Accompany her dutifully as she visits her younger brothers, Fear and Pain. 

Look her in the eye when you answer her questions. 

Hunker down and light the lamp of patience as she storms,

and kindly remember to sweep up the bitter sticks strewn in her wake. 

Here, too, you are. 

-Dr. Earth 

Grieving The Little Beauties

Did you hear that hundreds of thousands of tulips were beheaded in an effort to prevent the spread of coronavirus?  It’s true.  Last week the Guardian reported that in Japan, thousands of tulip flowers in full bloom were snipped off their stems so that folks wouldn’t gather to see them. This news story hit me in a way countless other COVID-19 reports haven’t. Well, I thought, add extravagant beauty to the list of things we have lost to this pandemic. This tulip tragedy seems to me an accurate a portrayal of the surreal times we live in. Who knew we would live in a world where tulips are a dangerous threat to public health?

The photo I saw of the tulip hack job reminds me of a Salvador Dali painting - rows and rows of bluntly chopped tulip stems, cut off like so many bad haircuts. I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t an omen of greater losses to come.  

Some might read this and think: Who cares about tulips in the face of global health crisis? When our lives and livelihoods are at risk, amenities get tossed out the window.  In a sinking ship, the heaviest and least essential get pitched first. I hear “BAIL! BAIL! BAIL!” in the background of the news articles I read. With the pandemic precaution filter set on the lens of life right now, fields of tulips, cultivated for nothing more than the visual thrill they offer in an abundance of pretty colors, no longer seem important. But wait. Does beauty count as an essential human need? Should we be hoarding beautiful moments like we are stockpiling toilet paper and dry beans?

I confess, I’m taking the loss of the luxury of beauty very hard. I am someone who needs beauty sometimes more than I need anything else. Creativity feeds my soul in a way that food and shelter do not. I’m sure it’s my privilege talking, but access to natural beauty seems a fundamental human right, to me. Can’t we all agree that beauty satisfies a part of us that is just as essential as the survivalist parts?

I’m not an artist. I don’t have any formal training in visual art. But I have a relentless desire to create meaningful, heartfelt things. I spend a lot of time and energy tending beautiful magic in my life. Often, my visions and ambitions are beyond my skills and resources. So I content myself with making ordinary, little beauties. In the words I speak and write. In the rooms I live in. In the meals I prepare for my family. In the pauses between my restless thoughts. Yes, even in my Instagram posts. And of course, in my garden. Sadly, most of these little beauties go unnoticed. Even more sadly, I have to leave many of them incomplete, abandoning my creativity in favor of duty and responsibility. Isn’t it always that way? The tragic truth of living is that we all lack the time, energy and freedom to fulfill our heart’s longings.

In my life, beautiful completed creations and moments of fulfilling experiences are hard won. I have to coax them so very patiently out of the chaos of what it means to be a human. Sometimes I feel like all I do is fail to achieve my dreams. Just when it seems I’m about to enjoy the fruits of my labor, a big wave comes and knocks my sand castle over. When this happens, I stand up in shock. I’m frozen in disbelief. Then, I make a fuss. I say cruel, insulting things to the wave. I stomp off in a huff. I pretend not to care and give the ocean the silent treatment because I resent the injustice of it all. I give up. I’m done. I refuse to make any more sand castles. Eventually, I cry until I sleep. Gradually, I become aware of something called spirituality. I finally look up and notice the ocean. Suddenly, those waves look so beautiful. Maybe there is a greater purpose in all this? Sooner or later, I am inspired by that beauty. I adjust my position in the sand. And I get back to it. This time, I tell myself, I will built the most beautiful sand castle I have ever made! Beauty gets me, every time. Every. Single. Time.

I’m told that we all pass through grief like this. The wonderful work of Elizabeth Kubler Ross validates the messy, but inevitable experience of the process we call grieving.  Her work taught me that we all experience grief in similar ways, albeit not always in the same order. I’m also told that it doesn’t matter if your sand castle is the relationship you’ve nurtured with the love of your life, the job you poured years into, or the tulips you tended so diligently for months. I’m told by some very compassionate people, that human suffering is fundamentally relative.  

Victor Frankl, in his timeless book Man’s Search for Meaning, has a thing or two to teach us about real suffering from his time concentration camps. He also gives us permission to acknowledge the personal suffering we feel, without measuring it against what we might think of as ‘bigger’ suffering that he or others have gone through. He writes, To draw an analogy: a man’s suffering is similar to the behavior of gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber. Thus suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore the “size” of human suffering is absolutely relative.

I think he means its ok for me to be sad about the tulips.

I work hard, sometimes all year long, to make little inviting spaces for peace and joy in my life and to appreciate whatever little beauties I have.  The best surprises are when one of those blessings appears in my day, effortlessly and unexpected, like the quiet morning light alongside a perfect cup of tea. In those times, I welcome beauty graciously, hoping my gratitude will be enough to entice her to stay. But she never does. That’s part of her allure.  Each little beautiful moment is so preciously fleeting, so episodic. Like a really good Netflix series. It’s always over too quick. And every time I’m like, what the heck am I supposed to do with my life now?

I think I learned to appreciate the beauty of flowers from my Dad. I have never been close to my Dad, even though I have wanted to be. He’s a remote, loving-you-from-a-distance kind of dad. He’s not easily impressed. As one of 7 kids, with 6 talented and interesting brothers and sisters, I felt like I would have to win a Nobel Peace prize to get his loving attention when I was young. He has the keen intelligence of a scientist, but an appreciation of finely wrought, exquisite beauty, especially in the natural world. He doesn’t get noticeably excited about many things, but flowers really do it for him. He used to drive me to school in the mornings. We didn’t really make conversation in the car. He was busy listening to NPR, neatly sipping his coffee. But in the spring, he would turn the radio down and slow down when we drove over a ridge with a good view of the spring colors. He always pointed out the lovely variegated greens of the new leaf buds in a way that made me notice and appreciate them, too. I learned that this was one way to find happiness and connection.

Now, at 35, spring blooms are one of the most exciting things about my life.  I wait all year long to see that fleeting beauty of the magnolia blossoms in the tree outside my bay window. I’m one of those people who gets through winter by the skin of my teeth. Some winters I feel I make it through only because I pin all my mental health hopes on the ephemeral beauty of spring flowers. March nearly ruins me every year. But spring always resurrects my sense of curiosity and joy and engagement in life.  I would gladly go through a hundred Marches all over again just to get a few days of spring to witness those stunning blooms.

This year, as I’ve been quarantined at home for what feels like a lot longer than it has been, those magnolia blossoms meant more to me than ever. I developed an attachment to their successful unfoldment, checking their progress daily from my window, noting any changes in my journal. When they finally began to unfurl, I was breathless with hope.  Last week, when I woke to see the cold night winds had blewn them to brown, wilted mush, I cried.

And that’s why I’m so sad about these tulips. Because when someone manages to actually pull off a stunning feat of creative expression to its fullest potential, and lives to tell about it, I am in awe. What else is there to do but clap and clap and clap? I’m endlessly inspired and AMAZED by those who take on big visions and actually succeed.

Yes, I think of the trees and plants deserve recognition for their feats of beauty as much, or more than you or I do. Is making a tulip blossom as worthy an accomplishment as a good musical performance, a completed manuscript, or a well-executed piece of art? Annie Dillard thinks so. She says, “There is real power here. It is amazing that trees can turn can turn gravel and bitter salts into these soft-lipped lobes, as if I were to bite down on a granite slab and start to swell, bud, and flower. Trees seem to do their feats so effortlessly. Every year a given tree creates absolutely from scratch ninety-nine percent of its living parts…A big elm in a single season might make as many as six million leaves, wholly intricate, without budging an inch; I couldn’t make one.”

She goes on, “The trees especially seem to bespeak a generosity of spirit. I suspect that the real moral thinkers end up, wherever they may start, in botany. We know nothing for certain, but we seem to see that the world turns upon growing, grows toward growing, and growing green and clean.”

Well said, Dillard. Well said. It IS unfathomable how plants contrive to create so much beauty. My Grandma Ellie would shake her head and say, Unreal.

Nipped in the bud is sad, yes. But nipped in full bloom? Tragic. Unmet potential is almost forgivable. But to be cut off right when you’re at your most open, most gorgeous, most complete? It’s like a missed orgasm. Just intolerable.  

I swear to god this is the actual, literal, real wish I make, every time I close my eyes to sleep at night: Please, whoever is out there listening and granting wishes, please let me reach my full potential in this life.

My loved ones are safe and healthy. I have enough money and food to survive for a while longer. I promise I am counting my blessings. I am. Just let me grieve a little for those magnolia blooms, and those poor tulips. Just a little beauty grief.

This is my elegy to the beauty, both personal and collective, that this pandemic has taken from us. Wherever you have felt its loss and missed it the most during this pandemic, I honor those empty places.

Self-Improvement vs. Self-Acceptance: Seeking the Truth Behind Our New Year’s Resolutions

It's nearly the end of January. You know what that means? Most of us have already given up on our resolutions by now. I hate to be a downer, but it’s true. Remember those firm commitments we made on Dec 31st  to eat better, exercise more, drink less alcohol, spend less time on social media, etc? By now, they’ve all either been forgotten, abandoned, deferred, or rationalized away.  Who can blame us? It’s a lot of effort to muster all that self-control day after day.

Once upon a time I used to be really good at New Year’s resolutions. Not just making them, but making sure I stuck to them. This was back when I identified as an over-functioning type - when I used get a thrill from crossing things off my to-do list. This earlier version of me actually read self-help books for fun. I recently came across a bunch of journals I had kept as a teenager. Would you believe, my journal is mostly a bunch of lists of things I want to learn, be, do or have? I kid you not, when I was 14, one of my goals was to take out a book from the library about composting, and build a compost system for our family. I’m happy to say I do compost these days, although I don’t think I ever finished reading that book, which is why my methods are still pretty sloppy and inefficient.

It’s funny to admit these things about myself, but really, I can’t deny my nature. A drive for self-improvement is one of those innate qualities about me, like my auburn hair (now with a few of my first grey hairs mixed in) and the fact that I always feel chilly. And on top of that, I’ve always been pretty willful. As in, when I say I’m going to do something, I will find a way or collapse from exhaustion trying. All this means is that it takes a lot of effort for me to stop trying to help, to fix, to solve.

Once, a long time ago, someone asked me what super power I would pick if I could have any ability. Without missing a beat, I said “improvement wand”. You know, like a magic wand that I could wave around that would instantly improve whatever it passed over. And by “improve,” of course, I mean perfect. And in case you are thinking how virtuous of me, please don’t be fooled; there some big drawbacks to being an overachiever. These traits used to get me into a lot of trouble. We’ll get more into the dark side of self-improvement later.

I have gotten better about relaxing, letting go, and accepting my flaws and weaknesses. Each year I get a little older, my drive to keep improving slows down a little. At 34, I’m definitely less driven than I was at 24.I like to imagine I have a healing wand as opposed to an improving wand. I make fewer lists and I care a lot less about perfection and a lot more about pleasure in life. Mostly, I feel that’s a good thing. I believe I am better without all that constant pressure to perfect, and I often counsel people to do like I do and stop listening to the inner critic and start enjoying themselves again.

However, lately, as I’ve recently once again set some challenging goals for myself, I’m starting to miss my old ‘frenemy’ self-discipline. I might even say that feel a little nostalgic for that iron will I used to have - the willpower that kept me committed to a goal no matter the obstacle. It’s what got me through grad school while single parenting a little child. It was what kept my butt on the meditation cushion back when I first committed to daily spiritual practice. But it’s also the whip that I used to punish myself for not being good enough for so many years as a younger person. So the thing is, I know too much of this is toxic to my emotional, physical, and spiritual health and tends to ruin my relationships as well. Surely, there’s a way to go after big ambitions and improve myself without throwing off the psychological and emotional balance I’ve come to know and love in my life?

Thank goodness for all that training I’ve done in meditation and hypnosis, which has given me the ability to notice this inner conflict as it arises, and to become curious about it, as opposed to judgmental.  So here’s what I am mostly curious about these days (and maybe you have some of the same questions?): What does it even mean to “improve” yourself? Do efforts toward “self-improvement” really work? Is self-improvement virtuous or a harmful illusion? Is there such thing as too much self-acceptance? What makes one decide to change their habitual behavior, and what motivates them to sustain the effort long term?

I plan to delve deeper into this topic over the next few weeks, and to share my musings and conclusions with you in a series of 4 posts. We will be exploring our attitudes and beliefs about what it means to set intentions, how we choose goals and succeed or fail to meet them.  I plan to take these questions into my office where so much of my experiences working with people in healing capacities revolves around the tension between self-acceptance and self-improvement. I plan to look back at some of the history of philosophy and psychological sciences to see what they have to tell us about the subject. And of course I’ll be drawing a lot from my own personal life’s experience throughout all the highs and lows the roller coaster of individuation. So I invite you along for my ride. Who knows, maybe we might help each other recommit to those New Year resolutions, or maybe do better next time it comes to setting new intentions.

For now, let me leave you with some questions for self-reflection. Because I’m curious about you.  What motivates you to try to change yourself? Do you respond to supportive encouragement? Do you need to get an ass whupping once in a while? Does it happen only after you’ve bottomed out? Or are you more likely to do self-improvement work when you’re already feeling good? What keeps you going? When do you know you’re over-doing it?

See you in a bit and I can’t wait to hear your answers.

Art: Sisyphus by Artist Valerie Jeanne

Confessions of a Failed Lucid Dreamer

So we’ve all heard of lucid dreaming, yes?  You know, that amazing thing that happens while you sleep, when you awaken within a dream and gain some level of control in the dreamscape.  I’ve been a little obsessed with lucid dreaming for what feels like a long time now. Okay, a LOT obsessed.  It started over 6 years ago when I first heard of Tibetan dream yoga. It was on a podcast I had discovered by synchronistic happenstance. I knew right there and then that I wanted to be on the path of an awakened dreamer. Dream yogis just sound so…well…dreamy! Like superheroes. They say it’s one of the fastest paths to enlightenment. And it all starts with learning to remember your dreams, and then to remember that you’re dreaming in the moment. They say the more you do this, the more your entire consciousness awakens, in the spiritual meaning of the word. Amazing!

But I have a somewhat embarrassing confession to make: I’m a total failure at lucid dreaming. It’s true, after all these years, I still can’t do it. Ok, maybe “total failure” is a bit of an exaggeration. I do have extraordinarily beautiful, vivid, and magical dreams quite frequently. And I recall them in detail most nights. My dream journal practice has helped with that. Most mornings, I fill pages and pages of my journal with the dreams I recall in rich detail. Sometimes I can fly in my dreams. Better yet, sometimes my deepest wishes are granted. You know those special dream gifts that you have once in a long while – the ones from which you never want to awaken? The ones that leave you in such a good mood that you’re just dripping in gratitude all morning long? For example, I’ve dreamed more than once of buying my beautiful ‘dream’ house by the sea. It looks different each time, but is always better than I could have imagined and has surprise rooms I never even knew were there – even a telescope! In other lovely dreams I’ve explored some of the faraway places that I long to visit. One of my favorite recent dreams was of sailing on a luxury cruise ship that took us through a gorgeous sunset of the most glorious colors I’ve ever seen to a place that was like an amusement park for people in the healing arts. Seriously, fun stuff. And then there’s the helpful dreams I have that inspire me to start a new project or give me the hint I need to be more effective at what I am already doing. I have those often too. Once I dreamed of a perfect tarot deck – I could see many of the cards in clear detail. All the images were fantastic. Each card was like a portal into the deeper reality. I’ve never seen any deck so detailed and magical and downright gorgeous. Maybe someday I’ll get to bring that baby into the light of day. But for now it remains a dream, and I still can’t say I’ve really reached full lucidity or fully awakened to the fact that I’m dreaming within the dream.

I hear many people do this spontaneously, without trying. Maybe you are one of them? One of those types that simply realizes one night, while you’re sleeping, that you are actually dreaming, and then *poof* you’re suddenly at the helm of your own personal virtual reality ship in which you can be, do or have anything you want. Whoever you are out there, I’m jealous of your natural abilities. I hope you use your lucid gifts to their fullest or send them my way so I can borrow some of your natural talent. The rest of us are stuck working with exercises and practice to induce lucidity.  

I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the profound dream experiences I do have. I admit, I am quite a dreamer. If nothing else, all the reality checks and meditation and visualizations I do to train myself to reach lucidity have supercharged my dream life.  But the act of full lucidity is a skill that still eludes me. So naturally, I want it all the more. Because I can’t stand not getting what I want. On the plus side, I feel like I’m getting close. Who knows, maybe even just a few nights away! But here’s another thing I have to confess: I haven’t been able to maintain a dedicated commitment to the practice of dream incubation or dream yoga for longer than a few weeks. My commitment to the lucid dreaming goal has waxed and waned over the years. Sometimes I want it more than anything. Other times, I think it’s just not all it’s cracked up to be, or that perhaps I’m already doing it and I just don’t perceive it that way. Other times I think it’s a waste of time or an unhealthy obsession my conscious mind uses as an excuse to beat myself up – an old habit I slip into from time to time.

 For the most part I had given up on true lucid dreaming in the last year or so, until this last April, when I had a dream that convinced me I need to give it another go. It was a dream that felt like a particularly LOUD wake up call, for lack of a better term. In this dream (I’ve since labelled it “WAKE UP CALL”), I’m giving tips and tricks on how to initiate lucidity in dreams to a friend of mine. I’m telling him all these great exercises to try – all the ones I’ve read about but stopped practicing.  And even though I KNOW this in my dream, I STILL don’t quite realize I’m dreaming. But wait! It gets even more obvious! Because then I look down at my phone, and I can’t figure out how to find the app I need (one of the tips I just gave my friend in the dream was that when electronics don’t work the way they are supposed to, that’s a cue that it’s a dream and can initiate lucidity). I realize the phone doesn’t work because I am probably dreaming and then I see the literal words spelled out “this is a dream” my phone screen and STILL didn’t manage to get the message because I still don’t reach lucidity. Geez, my subconscious is stubborn. It’s frustrating!!

The great teachers have said to follow the trail of synchronicities and you’ll be on the path to your soul’s work. Wouldn’t you know, as I am writing this, a moment ago my daughter walked in the room and asked if I wanted to hear a song she liked called “Lucid Dream” on her phone. No kidding! And earlier today I was shopping online for a futon mattress and wouldn’t you know, the first recommended brand that popped up on the site was called Lucid. See how the universe responds to our thoughts? It echoes and nudges us to keep going. If you doubt this, test the theory and see for yourself. Take notice of the first surprising and meaningful “coincidence” that occurs to you after reading this article. Maybe someone you know will mention a lucid dream they experienced. Or maybe you’ll hear something on the radio about the importance of dreaming. Or maybe you’ll have a powerful or happy dream tonight and remember the whole thing. You never know! It’s so cool when you start noticing these ‘meaningful coincidences’ that Carl Jung named “synchronicities.” Following the trail of synchronicities has led me to breakthroughs,  insights, healing, and many other important events and people in my life. So why should this time be any different? If I were to interpret the meaning of these signs, I would guess I have deeper to go with my dream work.

One way I always experience the magic of synchronicities is in my hypnosis practice. Inevitably, right when I’m beginning to focus on a particular issue or idea in my life the people that are working on the same thing usually show up. It’s so convenient when the universe brings the messages right to your doorstep! Maybe you can guess, then, what theme I’ve been hearing a lot lately? Yes, it’s true: I’ve had more clients bring up their dreams lately than usual.  

The most common sentiment I hear about dreams is, “I don’t dream” or “I don’t remember my dreams at all.” This doesn’t surprise me – that’s how I used to be too. Unfortunately, we aren’t really encouraged to value our dreams as young children, and so we quickly forget how to remember them. Science tells us dreams are just regurgitations of images from waking life. Nonsense, I say! Where’s the imagination in that?!

 I do so love hearing all the powerful dreams my clients share. I love imagining it were my dream, looking for meaning, and decoding symbols in the people, places, objects and words of the dream. My degree in literature sure helps me enormously with analyzing dream symbolism. There’s just something so satisfying when you have that ‘Aha!’ moment when the dream meaning clicks and you suddenly realize what significant message it is or how pertinent and helpful it is in your life. It’s like you’ve cracked the code! If you don’t have this experience often, keep a journal of the dreams you do have. I promise you, if you go back and look at the dreams from several months ago, you will mostly likely see very clearly how your dreams were warning you or helping you with decisions, feelings, events in your ordinary waking life.

Most surprising to me lately are the folks who tell me how much they dislike their dreams. I’ve heard from several friends and clients lately, “I wish I didn’t dream. I always have stressful dreams or nightmares”. It seems more and more people actually feel put out or even harassed by their dreams. For these people, dreams become just a useless burden to be born, or even worse- a cause for more anxiety or even a source of violent persecution. Sure, I can relate to these feelings. I am disappointed when I wake up from that same old stress dream about high school finals. I have that one more than I would care to admit. And I don’t always recall my dreams. I suffer from dream ‘droughts” too. But the idea never occurred to me to wish not to dream altogether. What a boring life that would be! That’s like saying, “I wish I had no imagination.”  Sounds crazy, to me. I say: more dreams please! If anything, I just want to get better at dreaming.

I will admit that not all dreams are pleasant. Some dreams are like mirrors that show you exactly the state of your consciousness, and, well, sometimes what we see in there is not a pretty sight. Not at all what we would want it to be. But wouldn’t you rather see it than pretend it’s not there? It’s like the spinach that gets stuck between your teeth. We all want our good friend to point it out before we go around embarrassing ourselves. Well, your dream mind is the closest friend you have. Don’t ignore the messages that get held up in the mirror of your soul! You can save yourself a lot of suffering if you take heed of these dream messengers, especially when they show up in frightening or stressful forms.

I’ll give you a straightforward example from my own dream life. This is especially good for you to read if you don’t believe you can see the future in your dreams. I few months ago, I had a particularly vivid dream in which my teenage daughter and I were on a pier, looking out over the water. I saw a big storm on the horizon. It was gloomy and heavy.  I knew a possible tornado was coming, or at least a hurricane. I tried to tell her to get into the house (all the sudden our house appeared) but she wanted to go out on a boat in the water. Where are you going? I yelled, more and more distressed. I didn’t want her to go out into it! But as the winds blew, she never left the dock. A calm came over the air and over me after that, and I knew it would be ok to just watch the storm pass. It wasn’t going to hit us. I woke up and wrote it down, but didn’t bother to think much about it. Just another dream.   Wouldn’t you know, the next day, my daughter and I got into a big fight. It involved her desire to move away. It was so upsetting to me to think she would want to leave her home, her security, and me. I let it get to me in a way that mimicked my distress in the dream. But I forgot that in the dream, the storm blew over and no harm was done. In real life, I held onto my hurt and fear over our fight and we continued to have conflict for a few weeks. But then sure enough, the storm of her emotions passed and with it, so did her desire to move away. The whole thing has been mostly forgotten since then. If I had heeded the dream, I would have known I could relax and not get upset, because she wasn’t actually going leave the dock just then. I could have remained relaxed knowing the storm would blow over instead of losing my sh*t over it. I get it now.  Thanks, dream teacher. Next time, I’ll be a better student.

 So yes, dreams can be prophetic, and offer us suggestions as to what's coming down the road and how to deal with it. But what about those terrifying figures that haunt us in our dreams? I was taught that a nightmare is just an unfinished dream, and that whatever stalks us or terrifies us in our dreams is just a powerful ally or guardian waiting for you to face it. Bizarrely, I’ve heard that nightmares are actually desirable for one following the path of dream yoga. The highest levels of dream yogis actually initiate lucidity in dreams in order to conjure the things that terrify them the most. No, really, they actually TRY and will themselves to confront their deepest fears every time they go to sleep. All in the name of spiritual progress.

Where am I going with all this? Besides trying to convince you to take more interest in your dreamlife, I also want to offer a suggestion. Here it is: try conscious daydreaming. What’s that? Did I make that up? For me the idea arose out of my own experience in seeking for something in lucid dreaming and finding it what I already do so well – in the very art of daydreaming. I think of conscious daydreaming as lucid dreaming for the daytime. There’s no trick to it. There are no complicated exercises to mastering it. You just lay down or sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes, and let your imagination go. It’s profoundly simple, and yet it can be very hard to clear the time and space in your schedule and in your mind to let your imagination wander. Children do this all the time, if we don’t fill up their every minute with media.

You might notice all the images of the Moon card in this blog. Moonlight is an old-fashioned vehicle for a lucid dreaming. Just follow the moonbeam. Moonlight is also a great metaphor for bringing a gentle light of our consciousness to our unconscious or subconscious realities. Just like you do in hypnosis. We don't want to shine a floodlight into your subconscious. That would be jarring and ruin the whole experience. No, we need a softer light, just like the moonlight, that can illuminate our subconscious images, scenes, and landscapes as if they are lit from within. It has to be just the right brightness – too bright and you will wake up – too dim and you can’t see a thing in your dreams. To carry the metaphor further,  I think of daydreaming as noticing the moon on a sunny day. A daytime moon. Everyone associates the moon with nighttime, but you know, the moon is really only up during the nighttime hours when it is full. A half-moon rises at noon or at midnight, depending on whether it’s waxing or waning.  During its waxing stage, you can see it the half moon high in the sky throughout the afternoon. No one seems to take much notice of the moon then. Like daydreaming, it’s often ignored or unnoticed or thought of as unimportant during the bright busy day.

“Daytime Moon”

In the morning

When the sun

Is shining down

On every one

It’s very strange

To see the moon

Large and like

A pale balloon

Drifting over

Roof and tree

Without one star

For company

-          Dorothy Aldis 1896-1966

 It seems strange, perhaps, to be writing about daydreaming and dream consciousness now, at summer solstice, when everything is active, growing, green and alive. At this time of year here in the northern hemisphere, life is fully awake. The nights are short, and dreaming often gets interrupted as the birds and chipmunks wake us before 5 AM where I live. It can feel overwhelming to be so busy, with so many hours to get things done. It almost makes one pine for the long, slow, cozy winter days when sleep and dreaming become the priority. At summer solstice time, it’s all the more important then to become a good daydreamer. If we were wise, we would learn to slip back into that precious dream state at will, between errands, or during a commute to other important tasks. Our minds and bodies need it. Our souls demand it. Did you know if you don’t spend enough sleep hours in REM (dreaming) you have a much higher rate for depression, suicide, and a whole host of other terrible things? Mood swings, hallucinations, loss of impulse control…yeah, everything goes wonky when you don’t dream enough. You literally go insane. That’s one of the meanings of tarot card XVIII - The Moon -  in its reversed position. So the next time you are out and about in the day or you are staring out a window and you happen to notice the daytime moon, take it as an opportunity to let your gaze soften, to relax your body, to forget about the world, and let your imagination follow the nearest cloud to what some call nonordinary reality. If it feels like a waste of time, you can justify your daydreaming as a way to preserve your sanity.

The practice of letting your intuition communicate through your active imagination is an ancient art. Some people refer to this a shamanic journey – when done to the rhythmic beat of a drum, you can learn to walk ‘between the worlds’ with the intention to bring back some wisdom or healing from the other realms. Sounds fascinating? Well, it is. But you don’t have to travel to Ecuador or take some expensive training to learn to do it. You just practice creating time and space for it. Like, put it on your google calendar ("Friday 9 AM - 30 minutes of lying on the floor and daydreaming"). The hardest part is learning how to quiet the critical factor – the judge who is always testing, critiquing or analyzing everything. You know, that part that tells you there are a million more important tasks you need to attend to right now! That rational, strict teacher-like part of your brain is like a wet blanket on your imagination and will definitely inhibit your ability to journey far into your imaginal realms. Relearn the art of ignoring it. Like every student, learn to look like you are obeying the teacher as you watch the clouds and let your mind drift out the window. She’ll never know. And the more you relax your mind and slip unnoticed out of the task-oriented and critical mind, the more visual the imaginary experience can be. Some people get so good at this, they can initiate another holy grail of “astral” or trance work: the OBE or the out of body experience. But that’s a subject for another day.

If the idea of clearing your schedule to make time for a shamanic journey sounds too silly or unrealistic, you might consider booking a hypnosis session instead. Because really, it's how I spend most of my days at work: helping other people daydream. Conscious dreaming could also be another good term to describe the hypnosis experience. The hypnogogic state has been likened to the dream-like feeling you get just before you drift off to sleep. It’s easier to reach that state or even deeper states when you have a practitioner helping your bypass the critical factor. The hypnosis practitioner not only helps to set the healing intention, they also set the pace and the structured of the journey and act a guide or facilitator who is trained to help you mine the meaningful parts of the hypnogogic trance or dream-like state. All these things are useful, especially in this day and age, when our minds are cluttered with a million tasks and we generally have not been raised with the skills to navigate our own imaginal realms. Throughout history, all that was needed was the drum beat to keep you focused, awake, moving in the direction your conscious dream takes. Nowadays, we need a little more support.

Do I still want to perfect my ability to control my dreams in a full lucid-state while sleeping? Heck, yeah. Absolutely. I’m not going to lie. I love a challenge. But I am learning to take my own advice on this one. Because I tell my clients all the time - it doesn’t matter if you are very “deep” in hypnosis, or whether you are in a light state of relaxation just sitting with your eyes closed. For most people who seek therapeutic benefit from the hypnosis experience, the same or perhaps even greater benefits can be achieved even in a light state of trance. There are certain exceptions to this rule, of course. Successful regression therapy and some other sorts of techniques require a deep state of what’s called somnambulism, when a client responds with anesthesia, amnesia, negative and positive hallucinations, etc. but this is a topic for another day. The fact remains: profound healing can occur by simply closing your eyes, quieting your mind, relaxing your body, and letting positive suggestions and visualizations wash over your mind.   

I wish I could wrap this up with a triumphant announcement of my newfound success at lucid dreaming. Not to be a buzzkill, but I’m still working at it. There is a silver lining, however. Actually, since I’ve been working on this piece, it occurs to me there are at least two siliver linings to my “failure” to lucid dream. One is that I am reminded that my perfectionist tendencies have crept up yet again, uninvited, into what is supposed to be a healing practice. There’s no room for that kind of “success” and “failure” thinking in the dreamscape. I’ve done it again! Thankfully, I’ve caught myself in the act. Writing about my dreamwork has helped me realize an old, destructive perfectionist habit so I can cut it out. Okay. Check. Done.  The second silver lining in my struggle to lucid dream has been in my increased use of my conscious daydreaming skills. Another way to put it is that the happy accident of attempting to lucid dream is the spillover of dreaming into my waking life.  I’ve learned how to renter the dream fragments I recall upon waking up. This is a skill I learned from the great dream teacher Robert Moss, whose books on dreaming have been profoundly helpful. Using his technique, I’ve been able to go back into the dream and explore, let it play out, talk to the characters and get answers I need. I have a nagging sense that conscious daydreaming like this might be even better than lucid dreaming,

Conscious dreaming could also be another good way to describe the hypnosis experience. The hypnogogic state has been likened to the dream-like feeling you get just before you drift off to sleep. It’s easier to reach that state or even deeper states when you have a practitioner helping your bypass the critical factor. The hypnosis practitioner not only helps to set the healing intention, they also set the pace and the structured of the journey and act a guide or facilitator who is trained to help you mine the meaningful parts of the hypnogogic trance or dream-like state. All these things are useful, especially in this day and age, when our minds are cluttered with a million tasks and we generally have not been raised with the skills to navigate our own imaginal realms. Throughout history, all that was needed was the drum beat to keep you focused, awake, moving in the direction your conscious dream takes. Nowadays, we need a little more support. Did you know you can actually use self-hypnosis to practice lucid dreaming? Many people report great success with this technique. If you want to try, scroll to the bottom of the page and you'll see a step-by-step guide. 

I wish I could wrap this up with a triumphant announcement of my newfound success at lucid dreaming. Not to be a buzzkill, but I’m still working at it. Do I still want to perfect my ability to control my dreams in a full lucid-state while sleeping? Heck, yeah. Absolutely. I’m not going to lie. But I am learning to take my own advice on this one. Because I tell my clients all the time - it doesn’t matter if you are very “deep” in hypnosis, or whether you are in a light state of relaxation just sitting with your eyes closed. For most people who seek therapeutic benefit from the hypnosis experience, the same or perhaps even greater benefits can be achieved even in a light state of trance. There are certain exceptions to this rule, of course. Successful regression therapy and some other sorts of techniques require a deep state of what’s called somnambulism, when a client responds with anesthesia, amnesia, negative and positive hallucinations, etc. but this is a topic for another day. The fact remains: profound healing can occur by simply closing your eyes, quieting your mind, relaxing your body, and letting positive suggestions and visualizations wash over your mind.   

The silver lining, then, in my thus-far-failed attempts to lucid dream is in my newfound respect for the daydream, the hypnogogic state. While I wait for the lucid dream, I'm getting busy making the most of my imagination, my intuition, and my visualization abilities, which will in turn prepare the way for more vivid, exciting dreams. Want to know something else that's really cool about conscious daydreaming? By using my daydreaming skills, I’ve learned how to renter the dream fragments I recall upon waking up. This is a skill I learned from the great dream teacher Robert Moss, whose books on dreaming have been profoundly helpful. Using his technique, I’ve been able to go back into the dream and explore, let it play out, talk to the characters and get answers I need. I have a nagging sense that conscious daydreaming like this might be even better than lucid dreaming,

In Conscious Dreaming, Robert Moss writes that “the point is that dreams are wiser than our everyday minds and come from an infinitely deeper source. To try to ‘control’ this source, to interfere with the authentic flow of dreams and to justify this on the ground that they are ‘only dreams’ is the ultimate delusion of the control freak who lives in the ego.” He goes on to explain that attempts to lucid dream for the sake of controlling the dream are not only misguided and pointless, but also dangerous to our connection to soul. He writes, “One way or another, the dream source will remind us that we are not the masters of the universe. If it were truly possible to put the ego in charge of dreams, the effect would be to divorce us from soul and spirit.”

Strong words of warning from Mr. Moss, but they ring true for me. Maybe it’s convenient for me to believe him, since after all, I am a failed lucid dreamer. Since I’ve tried and tried and come up short, it’s nice to hear that I am actually much better off – that I was attempting to engage in a useless and vain pastime all along. But if he’s right, than I stand to gain much more by honoring the dreams that do come to me in sleep, to take what meaning I can from them, and to use my conscious daydreaming as a vehicle to serve my purposes.

Even if you never attempt to renter your dreams or practice conscious daydreaming, you should know this: whatever you focus on the most during the day during the day colors the themes of your nights. Your persistent daytime thoughts absolutely do carry over into your dreams. Or to put it differently, the repetitive ideas, images, and thoughts that characterize your waking life become like a soundtrack for your sleep.  Marcus Aurelius said that “Your mind will be like its habitual thoughts; for the soul becomes dyed with the color of your thoughts.” If you equate dreams with the soul, as I’m learning to do, then this statement is all the more interesting. Maybe you’ve heard that your reality is shaped by your habitual thoughts. If you’re not sure what your habitual thoughts are, just look to your dreams. Those recurring stress dreams you complain about? Well…enough said.

I’ve decided to take Robert Moss’ advice and trust the dreams that come without obsessively attempting to control them through full lucidity. It would be nice if someday it happens automatically, without effort. You better believe that I'll be ecstatic when that happens.But for now, I'm leaning into the rich depths of my current dream reality.  Since I made this pivot, I have to say I’m enjoying myself a lot more. As I’m learning to stop pushing my dream self around, I’m learning to honor what’s already there, and I’m getting a lot more out of it as a result. I’ve had a some profound results using dream incubation techniques in which you ask your deep mind or dream teacher (or whatever you want to call it) to give you some guidance or assistance on a specific issue that is important for you in your present life. I have been absolutely floored by the answers I receive this way.  Sometimes my dream self has a great sense of humor too. The other night I asked for guidance about how to forgive an old foe for the hurts I still carry because of our past together. I woke up with the lyrics “you do it to yourself, it’s true, and that’s why it really hurts” in my head. It’s a song by Radiohead. I actually can’t stand that song. I haven’t heard it or thought about it in years.  But I found myself humming it as soon as I woke. I had to laugh at the accuracy of the tune as a pertinent answer to my request.  

So give it a try and see. Get yourself a journal and keep it by your bed. When you wake, don’t move. Just let the dreams come back to you in fragments. Write down what you can remember. If you can’t remember details, write what feelings linger. Ask yourself: What does this remind me of? What resonances do I have in my waking life?  When you get ready for sleep, ask for a dream that will give you guidance or assistance for a certain issue. Fall asleep with that intention in mind. If you can’t think of an intention, try this: “I ask for a dream from the gates of horn, that will help harmonize all the parts of my being” I learned that phrase from a teacher who said it was an ancient Egyptian dream incubation phrase that was supposed to bring healing dreams. I can absolutely endorse its effectiveness in my own dreamwork. And lastly, as you begin to delve into your dream life, notice the synchronicities that appear in your waking life as well. Keep track of all the echoes of meaningful symbols, phrases, coincidences that you find in the world around you. These are little winks from the greater scheme of things.

Happy dreaming, beautiful readers! My blessing to you:  May you become aware that you are dreaming, may your best dreams come true, and may you remember them when you awaken!

Audrey

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If you're curious about how you can use hypnosis to encourage lucid dreaming, here's a great step-by-step guide below that comes courtesy of The Hypnosis Training Academy. This is a great resource for those who want to try it. 

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Build On Strength

It’s April, and spring still hasn’t sprung here in the Hudson Valley. We’re all past ready for it at this point. The colorful plastic Easter décor has been up for weeks, the stores have summer items stocked, and yet I woke this morning to 3 inches of snow.  There’s a sense that we’re all dressed up and ready to go but the party keeps getting postponed. I find a corollary to this seasonal shift coming up in my practice lately as recurring themes of frustration and restlessness in my clients.  It seems like people are increasingly dissatisfied with what’s not working in their lives and the old patterns for coping are just not cutting it anymore.

 Last week, one dear client nailed it when she said: something needs to change. She was speaking for herself, but her words resonated with me and were echoed in the words of many of my other clients and friends. And I’m hearing it more and more each person who calls looking for hypnosis, or tarot reading, or herbal care – they all need change, desperately. Depression, addiction, illness, compulsive habits, phobias and anxieties – there has to be a way out of such pain and suffering.  But how can we initiate change, especially when the forces at play are too big for us to move or beyond our control? How does one even begin to make such momentous change?

I’m told by the fitness gurus that you cannot build from weakness, but only from strength. You don’t start by lifting the huge weights. You have to start small, with what feels easy, and build little by little. Psychologists have picked up the idea and branded it “positive psychology” which is essentially a form of counselling that focuses on taping one’s inner strengths rather than focusing on what’s wrong and fixing it. I’ve found this to be helpful in so many ways in my own life, with my children, and also in my hypnotherapy practice.

Have you ever tried to encourage someone who is feeling depressed? Or tied to calm someone in the midst of a panic attack? It’s tempting to say “don’t feel sad, it’s all going to be ok!” or “there’s nothing to worry about, just relax!” This approach is not only ineffective, it’s actually doing more harm by reinforcing the person’s state of depression or anxiety. The more you try to encourage them NOT to feel sad or anxious, the more they feel stuck. Positive psychologists would suggest you try this instead:  first, acknowledge and validate their feelings and ask them open ended questions. Then see if they can think of one small, tiny thing that is already working in their life. It can be anything at all that they already feel positive, confident, or happy about. Finding that ONE thing is the beginning of shifting the focus to what’s already working. And that’s a strength, however small or seemingly insignificant that can be built upon.  If you can do this for a friend, why no do it for yourself? 

In practice, this often requires a scaling back, and a narrowing of focus. Instead of telling yourself “I’m so fat, I’ll never reach my weightloss goal,” it might becomes something like this: I feel very uncomfortable and ashamed of my body. In the past I developed unhealthy habits like being too sedentary, but I am changing. This week I have walked for  20 minutes everyday this week. Let yourself fully feel the success of reaching that small goal. Yes, it's there! Right there! That's where the magic happens called inspiration. Here's the formula for those of you who who need calculating:   Inspiration + motivation + small action =  results = more motivation = more results^3= success. leads to motivation  

We've all heard it before: When you focus on one step at a time, before you know it, you’ve walked a mile. It's a cliche because it's true! Let's look at another example - depression. For something who is struggling with deep depression, thoughts like “I feel so empty, there's no point...I'll never be any different" often run in the subconscious. What would it feel like to shift that narrative into, “Even though I’m depressed, I really enjoy taking a walk in the woods. When I walk in the woods, I feel uplifted and this feeling often lasts for hours after" ?  This can lead to just enough motivation needed to take a walk. A walk might seem like a small success, but it’s that mental muscle that is responsible for uplifted feelings that needs to be built upon. If someone always feels depressed, they have let their “uplifted” muscle atrophy. So the way to get the “uplift” consciousness back in shape is not to focus on the depression. What else gives that same uplifted feeling?  This is where we begin. This is a crack in the doorway of change.

If you’re thinking, easier said than done, well…you’re right. This is not easy to do from a normal state consciousness. Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” It’s the change in mindset that facilitates the change in feeling, that brings about positive sensations we all are seeking.   And if that still sounds too difficult (and believe me, I have been there, in that place where I am so stuck in my negative thought patterns that any mention of the term positive thinking sounds like nails on a chalkboard)  well, you can sit back and relax because here’s where my pitch comes in: hypnosis is one of the easiest, quickest, and most successful ways to bring about this shift in consciousness. Sure, you can do this through meditation, yoga, breathwork, or any other practice that changes your state of consciousness from tension to relaxation. But the amazing thing about hypnosis is that you don’t have to be a master of meditation to get the benefits. In fact, you don’t have to do anything but be willing and open-minded to the process. It’s effortless!

 Any good hypnotherapist can rapidly shift your attention from your pain and problems to the state of being that you desire - toward what you want, and away from what you don’t want. It often feels so natural that you don’t even realize it’s happened.  And this is essential for success. But it’s not always enough. A good hypnotherapist will also help you identify the places in your life where you are already succeeding and determine how to build on those. I don’t offer guarantees, but I can tell you I’ve seen this method work many times, for some of the more challenged individuals.  

So how can you apply the concept of build on strength, not from weakness in your own life? I can tell you that for me, it often means I have to scale back my grand visions and ambitions. I've been called a perfectionist, but really I like to think of it more as a over-doer. My therapist would probably identify my a detached/avoidant attachment style. But that's a blog post for another day. Let's just say that I'm goal oriented and perhaps a little more driven than average. Do you identify with any of that? My ability to envision  is one of both my greatest strengths and weaknesses. Because I can see the desired outcome so well, I try to take on too much to make it happen. I set myself up for failure, often. Some mornings, I rise with a fire to create, to accomplish, to move mountains. But by midday, I’ve already depleted my reserves of energy and disappointed in my failure to complete my vision for the day. If I don’t catch myself, this can spiral into negative thinking pretty quickly. Maybe you can relate to this. So I’ll share a strategy I’ve learned to cope. I think of it as creating a cozy corner in the rooms of my ambition.  It looks like this: when I set out my goals for the day, for the week, for the year, I go wild. I list them all. I let my drive go into high gear. It’s like designing a grand mansion. But this is just writing, on paper. Then, when my list is so big and ambitious that I feel tired just looking at it, I take a big breath and let it out. Let it go. In reality, who really wants a house that grand? Too much work! Sometimes I’ll tear the list up and throw it out. Then, I find one small thing that I’m inspired to do that I KNOW I can accomplish. Some days, that may mean doing a sinkfull of dishes. Other days, writing a chapter or tackling those documents I need to file. Yesterday, it was repotting my cherry tomato seedlings. Whatever the single thing is, I imagine it as one cozy corner of my grand vision – like a little room of my to do list that is just for me to play in; it’s a task on which I can focus my attention fully and create something I can manage. Then, I go about my day as normal, being sure to build in time for my task. While I am doing the task, I do it with as much ease and presence and enjoyment as I can muster. After all, it’s only ONE thing. Easy. By the end of the day, I sometimes make a new list – one of all the things I’ve done, accomplished, completed, or enjoyed. On these days, I go to bed feeling full and satisfied. This, to me, means building from strength.

Because I find plant analogies useful for pretty much every point I want to make, I’m going to indulge in one of my favorites here. Think about those lovely crocuses and snowdrops or other early spring flowers  that are beginning to bloom right now. The crocuses were always my favorite as a child. My mother would shriek in joy and drag me outdoors as soon as she spotted them in bloom  – a breath of colorful delight in the dismal grey chill of March. Always in the same places each year. Even when I was small I wondered how the little green stalks could push their way through the cold, hard earth and open in full bloom, often to be covered in snow and frost. I still wonder how something so delicate can thrive in the harsh late winter/early spring. Their secret, I understand now, is in the bulb. They spend all fall and winter drawing in minerals and hording nutrients in that bulb, building strength night by underground night. Waiting for the right moment. Can you imagine that? 

Crocuses. They really know how to get things moving. Gosh, they blow my mind. Anyway, this is what I thought about this morning, when I woke in frustration at the unwelcome snow. I thought about a little crocus, laughing at the falling flakes, enjoying the blanket that keeps her strong bulb cozy. I thought about how tightly her petals were folded together, waiting for the sun to unfurl her purple and orange colors to flag down spring for landing. Thinking of this little flower for a few minutes was all it took to change my mindset from disappointment and frustration to inspiration. It worked. Try it!  

So the next time you notice yourself stuck in a state of anxiety, tension, despair, or frustration, think about this phrase: build on strength. Go ahead and acknowledge how negative you feel and breathe. Then find where in your body you can sense strength. Think about something you’ve already done today. Something you are already good at doing well. Something you feel good about already in your life. Focus on that. Then find another. Narrow your focus and zoom into those feelings. Scale back your striving and find one place to be, just for a breath, or for two breaths, or for three. And if nothing else works, imagine those heroic crocuses unfurling their garish colors above a blanket of snow. You’ll feel better, soon.

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What I love about hypnosis for weight loss

What I love about hypnosis for weight loss...

If you had asked me 20 years ago what sort of job I would probably have in the future, I bet I would not have answered “helping people lose weight.” I’m also sure I wouldn’t have ever imagined hypnotherapy as a potential future career- not even for a second! I don’t think it was an option on the career aptitude test we took in 9th grade.    Life continues to surprise me every day. So how did I come to be a person who hypnotizes people for a living? And why do I love it so much? There’s a wonderful Hindu teaching that goes something like, ‘there are hundreds of paths up the mountain. They all lead to the same place, so it doesn’t matter which one you chose.’ Well, there are about as many answers to that question of ‘how did you come to be a hypnotherapist’ as there are paths up that mountain. In hindsight, it becomes easy to see how many of the challenges and experiences I had earlier in life prepared me to be the person I am today. I bet that is true for you too, now as you read this: can you see how the things you used to struggle with were conditioning you for the strengths you now own?  

People seek hypnosis for so many reasons. Whether it be to quit smoking or to break some other detrimental habit, or to gain a greater sense of confidence or peace of mind…my work with clients can look like many things. And yet, there’s one thread that weaves through each unique set of problems I see. If we follow that thread back to its source, we find one simple truth: self-acceptance and the deep void or wound that occurs when the thread is broken. And so my work becomes about reconnecting the thread of self back to that core place of deep and unconditional acceptance of self.

What does that have to do with losing weight? Please, let me explain. Because this is important, especially if you are someone who struggles with food, with your body, with feeling ugly or out of control. Looking back, I can see clearly how many of my personal trials and struggles were particularly centered on my own body and a sense of shame or unworthiness in my own skin. I also know those feelings of ‘not good enough’ manifested in eating disorders and chronic fatigue and low grade depression I endured for so many years.  It’s hard to believe, but there was actually an era in my life when I fantasized about driving my car off the road just because waking up to another day of being fat and ugly was too painful to face. I know there are many people out there feeling that way right now. If this has ever been you, take a breath in. And out. Keep reading.

I have to laugh when I hear the old adage “people don’t change,” because I can point to a hundred ways or more that I’ve changed. At the top of that list is the way I’ve transformed my relationship to myself. Of all the things I’ve accomplished in life, I stand especially proud in my recovery from deep self-hatred to a place of self-acceptance and even self-love. I stopped dieting and starting learning to nourish and care for my body. And guess what – my body normalized at a healthy weight only after a short while of practicing self-care. I haven’t worried about counting calories in years. I enjoy being active and eating right because it feels good to be that way, not because I should or because it will make me thinner.  

Of course people change! They do all the time, when they want to. I also KNOW people change because I see it happen with clients all the time. I have seen people change habits so ingrained they never thought it was possible to be another way. How is it that change possible? Well for one, you have to want to change so badly that you are willing to try something new. Most people end up in hypnosis because they’ve tried the conventional routes with no success. But it doesn’t have to be a last resort. Hypnosis harnesses the power of your imagination to bring forth the emotions and sensations of looking and feeling your best. And the more time you spend in that state of consciousness, the more automatic the behaviors become that actually enable you to change physically. It starts in your mind.  Another way people change is by getting the right support. I see my role as one of support – I have many tools and techniques to support the proverbial journey ‘up the mountain.’ The herbal and nutritional component is huge. Having the deep nourishment from those powerful plant allies makes a huge difference in one’s struggle to feel good in your body. I love hooking people into the plants that can help them change their life.  Heck, that journey can even be a light and easy one if you have the right gear. My goal is to provide so much support that my clients whistle their way up the mountain. 

My favorite thing about working with people who want to lose weight is when I see them begin to glow. It’s subtle at first, after a few sessions when they are starting to see changes occur, but it grows. And after a few months it’s noticeable – that glimmer in the eye, and that absolute shimmer of joy emanating from them. You see this glow on people who KNOW they look and feel great - not in an arrogant way, but in a deeply peaceful way. The thing is, the glow doesn't happen just because you fit into the size you think is acceptable. Plenty of people shed pounds of fat but don’t feel better. They usually put the weight right back on or develop another addictions or coping strategies that only increase their suffering. If you think looking and feeling your best is about counting calories or having more willpower, you’re missing the point. The glow happens only in people who are at peace within themselves – who emanate the confidence that comes from deep unconditional acceptance of self.

So. Imagine this: what if losing weight began with getting into better relationship with yourself? It’s not a secret, but it’s a truth that often overlooked. The weight loss industry thrives on your insecurities and profits from your wounds. They profit by marketing the myth that you need to have more will power to lose weight.  That you need to buy a product or try a new diet. That’s all myth. We gain weight for many reasons, but at the root is always deep emotional pain. Usually, in my experience, that pain comes from the feeling of not being enough.  The habits of lifestyle that cause one to become overweight begin in the mind. And therefore, that’s where the healing must also begin. When you start changing the way you think about your body – when you start reframing your thoughts and learning to tend to yourself in gentle, accepting ways - that’s when the rest of the problems begin to fall away.

What I -  and other practitioners like me -  have offer to the world is an opportunity to go within, to begin the journey to self-acceptance and inner peace within your own mind.   Looking and feeling better is just a byproduct of that inner journey. And sure, having a trim, fit body feels good. And you can have that too. It’s easier than you think. At the end of the day, we get up that mountain one way or another. I hope your journey is a beautiful one, and may it bring you back to yourself. And don’t forget – reach out when you need a hand or a leg up. I’ve got tools for you.

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New Group Program Beginning Oct 23

Mondays from 6:30-8

at Salt & Soul in Saugerties, NY 

$175 per person 

Includes: 5 group sessions, herbal and nutritional support, coaching, and access to online community. 

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Misty Mountains by Charlies_ANGEL

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Summer Solstice Reflections

Sunny greetings to all of my dear clients and friends,

            The warm, bright days are here again. Are you loving the extra daylight hours as much as I am? I treasure the extra time for puttering in the garden and enjoying my family’s first summer here on our new property. The Catskill Mountain woodlands are entirely magical this time of year. Now, at solstice time, this halfway point in the year, is a wonderful time to pause and reflect on our progress so far. What has manifested since the dark days of winter? What progress and changes are taking shape? What work is still left to be done?

In the ancient calendars of the first agrarian peoples, the light half of the year was a time for outer work – the busy doings of planting, tending crops, harvesting etc. Winter, conversely, was an inner time, for storytelling, dreaming and tending to the soul. These cycles make so much sense to me, and attuning to them gives me a rhythm by which to pace my life. What cycles and rhythms guide your inner clock?

Looking back on where I am and where I’ve been, I feel so blessed. I have so much to be grateful for: in addition to my lovely clients (thank you!) and ever- growing hypnosis practice, there have been so many other new loves and new growths this year.  My new package of bees are busy raising brood and stocking their comb with nectar in their new home nestled in the maples at the back of our land. And my new herb garden is beginning to take shape. I’m also about to complete the herbalist training program which has been keeping me busy with its very rigorous, ongoing self-study work in addition to over 12 weekends of training in the last 13 months. Then it’s on to the advanced certification course (another 2 years!! Whew!).

 I'm also very excited to be travelling this summer, spending time with family and also at two very important herbal gatherings for deep immersion in plant spirit medicine and I look forward to how those experiences unfold upon my return. I have no doubt they will enrich my therapy practice many times over. 

The Turning of the Year

            As solstice approaches, we all benefit from increased energy and vitality. For some of us this means getting outside more. For others, more mental focus. What does it mean to you? Perhaps more celebrating or travelling or free time with loved ones? All creation is pushing forth buds and blossoms and beginning to bear fruit.  This is also the time to get real with ourselves. What have you been putting off? What are you avoiding? What parts of you are calling out for some tender care or attention? What is ripe for the picking now? What can be put off no longer in your health or wellness? While you are planning your summer itinerary, it's so important to make time to tend to those goals and desires you cherish most dearly to our hearts. 

Daily Transformative Practice – A Mental Magic Trick For You to Try

Feeling discouraged, depressed, stuck or frustrated with your progress? Here's a little trick that has worked for me: catch yourself the next time you find yourself in the middle of thinking negative, critical thoughts ("I'll never lose weight" or "I'm useless" or whatever your inner critic is prone to tell you), STOP. Pause. Take a breath. Then, tell your critical mind, "You may be right, but today I'm choosing compassion." Then, gently reframe your negative thought into something positive. For example, "I am quickly and easily shedding excess weight" or "I am completely effective in everything I do". You might use the favorite phrase: everyday, in every way, I’m getting better and better. Say it to yourself even if it feels untrue. Because while you may feel like telling yourself you are successful or thin or confident when you are not is a lot like a lie, you are actually retraining your subconscious mind to make that positive thought a belief. So create a statement that is as if you’ve ALREADY ACHIEVED your desire. Don’t tell yourself,” I’m going to be more confident.” Tell yourself: “I am a confident, successful, empowered person and everything goes my way!” Sounds funny, but it works!

            And here’s why it works: your subconscious beliefs determine your reality. Seriously, you don’t get what you want, you get what you believe. If you want to stop smoking, but believe you’ll never be able to, guess what? You’ll never be able to!  So every time you catch yourself in a critical, judgmental thought and reframe it into a positive statement about what you want, you’re giving yourself a HUGE boost towards achieving your goals. And you'll find you have to work less and less to achieve that goal. If you practice this mental trick daily, you'll find reaching your goals is effortless, almost like magic! And here’s an expert tip for more success: speak the words OUT LOUD if possible (even if people think you're a big wierdo, it's worth it!) and try to connect with the feeling of relief, joy, or success that you would feel when it came true.

Mental practices like the one outlined above are powerful. But then are even more powerful when done in a hypnotic trance, with the support of a trained facilitator. Consider booking a session with me this summer to help give you boost. Let me help you get clarity around your real goals. I can also help you improve your motivation and stamina needed to achieve them.  It’s true: most people have more lasting results when they incorporate hypnosis or similar practices into their lives.